Is Attraction a Choice?
There’s been a lot written, taught, said and sang about: love at first sight, instant attraction and having no power over whom we, “quote,” fall in love with. Usually, most train of thoughts leans toward the belief that: who we are attracted to, is beyond our control. Is attraction a choice? Dane Cunningham, author of: “Risky Relationships” and “Take a Look Within,” clears the air as he guides us to the whole truth and nothing but the truth concerning this vital issue!
Like a Bee To Honey; I Need You…
What would make a man married 20 years tip out on his wife? Why would a woman date a "bad boy" who, by his treatment of her, is less than she deserves? There are a myriad of answers to these questions but one of them is that our bad choices in relationships are due to the fact that attraction isn't a choice, or is it?
Like iron is drawn to a magnet, a moth to a flame, or a bee to honey, so is the principle of attraction. Neither iron, the moth, or the bee chooses to be attracted to the thing it is attracted to, it just is; and this attraction comes from deep within.
Like a moth to a flame sometimes what we are attracted to has the potential to burn us.
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face!!!
Do you remember the first time you saw that special someone and you smiled? For just a moment you couldn't tell up from down and your head began spinning around. It was as if you temporarily lost control and you were on a trip until you finally got your grip. Do you remember when you were with that person and just being in their presence made you feel high and when you had to depart you left with a sigh?
What you were experiencing was the release of the mood altering chemical in the brain called dopamine.
The irrational feelings that one feels in the midst of attraction is due in part to dopamine, which is also the chemical the brain releases in response to pain. When we take a look within ourselves we see that part of our attraction is due to this physiological response, but some of it is mental and emotional. The mental and emotional part of attraction is called our relationship paradigm.
Our relationship paradigm comprises the attributes, qualities, and things that, in our mind, we perceive are attractive. We form this paradigm in our minds, which over time becomes part of our emotions.
When we see someone that meets our paradigm it triggers our subconscious mind and the attraction process begins with the release of dopamine.
Baby, You Had Me At, “Hello!”
Everyone has a different paradigm of what he or she perceives is attractive. One of the reasons that some women ignore handsome men and some men do not respond to beautiful women is because although the person may be attractive the individual is outside their paradigm therefore they feel no attraction.
The French term "jen ne se quoi" in essence means "that thing." It is used to describe that special quality that makes people uniquely attractive. What does a man married 20 years do when his wife no longer has that "jen ne se quoi" but his young colleague at work does?
What does a woman do when she is in a relationship with a "bad boy" who mistreats her but she feels the high that dopamine provides in his presence.
Each of them has to realize that attraction isn't a choice, but what you do about your attraction is.
We must remember that just because the person meets our relationship paradigm does not mean that he or she meets God's relationship paradigm.
Will we choose to be in horizontal attractive relationships that make us feel good? Or be in vertical relationships that line up with God and His purpose for our lives? Each of us will be faced with that choice in life.
Which will you choose?
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● Are You Ready For Love?
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● Why Do Some Women Keep Attracting Men Who Are Dogs?
Dane Cunningham is one busy man! He is CEO of (E.R.S.) Embrace Relationships Seminars where he addresses adult relationships from the biblical perspective through life changing teaching sessions. He is also the Singles' Director at New Birth Missionary Baptist Church in Lithonia, Georgia, pastored by Bishop Eddie Long. A prolific writer, Cunningham is the author of: Take a Look Within and Risky Relationships. You can visit his website at: www.Embrace-Relationships.com
© Dane Cunningham. 2005
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