The Right Mr. Right
How do I find Mr. Right? It’s a question women have been wanting the answers to for ages! OK, ladies, sit back and relax as the maestro, Frank Chase Jr., fills in the blanks. Like a skilled and seasoned conductor, Frank takes you on a delightful journey very few women have traveled. Know this; the women who have taken this journey are thrilled that they did. It’s your turn now! True love will find… just follow the instructions!
G-i-r-l, He’s Soooohhh Fine!!!
He's cute. He's got a six pack. He's got muscles that can turn the average women's head and make her think he's the right and only man for her. I know this may sound trite. But some people base decisions on who they'll spend their lives with by outward appearances. Am I suggesting there's something wrong with looking good? No! But God looks at the heart. It's time for women to examine a man's heart not his biceps or his wallet, if she truly wants to find Mr. Right.
But who is Mr. Right anyway?
Why are so many women enlisted in the Army of the Hook-up with Mr. Right?
Why are they busy traveling the love lanes of life, working overtime searching for the man of their dreams or the man they read about in steamy, fairy-tale love novels?
Novels with tantalizing titles like Wet and Wild, Tempting Danger, Manhandling, Lost in Sensation, Untamed, Honey and the Hired Hand, A Date on Cloud Nine and Bold Wolf, may foster images of men that become standards women look for.
But do these types of books inform or create a false agenda for a woman's measurement of the value of men?
I'd say it creates a false intimacy and an expectation that doesn't exist. The end of the love novel leaves warm fuzzies on a woman's mind, but the aftereffects are like an infection, which confuses them as they evaluate men based on fictional criteria while hoping that a particular man will be the perfect leading man.
That's a recipe for failed relationships.
We must remember there are many good men in this world and to some that may seem like an understatement. Women, there's effort involved in understanding the nature of a God-Made man. He may be a thug now, but when God finishes him, he'll be a prince.
From a spiritual perspective, a woman on the look-out for Mr. Right could end with Mr. Wrong on the False Roads to Womanhood. One false road is pouring your energy and time into nailing down the best man instead of learning about the issues that make up the man called Mr. Right. For example, we often don't spend enough time on ourselves as men and women so we can be the husbands or wives God called us to be. Ask yourself this question: Have you traveled the halls of knowledge and wisdom to learn about the intricacies of a man?
Don't get me wrong; I'm not insensitive about the shortage of men and I'm not ignorant of the problem facing today's woman in following the proverbial rulebook in meeting the Mr. Rights and falling in love.
But what makes a man Mr. Right?
Is it his muscles, a white-collar job, and a six-figure salary in a high-rise office building? That's all good. But what about trash men and dirty construction workers? Do you kick them to the curb because they don't meet the standard? If you're on that slippery slope, watch out because the curtain is about to rise on a drama of epic proportions. Why?
What Do You Know About Men?
Some women never spend the quality time to learn about men and how they function. Never mind the men that don't fit the muscle-man image. They're not in the running. Some women become tired and impatient with God and don't wait for Mr. Right to show up on their doorstep or cross the archway of the Cathedral, because they think time is running out. So in haste, they flip the script and take off on a trek to go where no women have gone before to find their man.
Into the breach of the sea of men women hope Mr. Right sweeps them off their feet into the tunnel of love, Cinderella style. But the women who push ahead without Godly wisdom on their journey into the heart and soul of man-hunting could wake up one morning and realize they're connected with the wrong Mr. Right. The relationship rides like a roller coaster with ups and downs, twists and turns that sicken both parties on the love boat scene and can quickly turn obscene.
As Dr. Myles Monroe stated, "Where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable." If Miss Right does not look for real understanding of the purpose and the power of a man, she will abuse him. Likewise, the man will in turn harm the women if he doesn't know the purpose of a woman, which is his missing rib God used to create wo-man. Adam is just like a man today; when he saw Eve, he said, Woo, Man!
In our society today, the roles have changed from a man finding a woman to a woman finding a man. The prescription the Word of God lays out about this topic is the opposite of what we see in relationships between men and women today. The Word says in proverbs18:22, "He who finds a wife finds a good thing." NKJV. It appears that some women, for one reason or another, decided to say, "I can no longer wait for God or the man to follow the text God spoke to him." And I would agree with you that many men have backed off their calling because some women become the aggressors and press men for commitment and scare them and their china-fragile ego.
However, men should not pay attention to roles, but pursue destiny in relationships with women. No more role-playing. Men need to sweep women into the vision of God's ordained relationship with purpose, passion, and principle.
Let Your Boaz Find You!!!
With purpose, a woman must allow the man to find her. The man knows he should love his wife as Christ loved the Church. So women, let your Boaz find you.
With passion, women must embellish their man's ego to build him up.
Then the man feels comfortable expressing buried emotions other than through sex. With principle, women must not be afraid of submission but understand what real biblical submission means and not what Mama or girlfriend's interpretation says it means. Men must be vulnerable with their wives and girlfriends and not hide truth. Hiding is not a real relationship.
God did not make a mistake when he told man that if he finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favor with the Lord.
This scripture has now become, "She who finds a husband finds a good thing and obtains favor from the opinions of the Sistas' in the Lord."
When this flip-flop takes place, it leaves no incentive for men who want to marry to follow their destiny to marriage. This often leaves men and women vulnerable to hurt and bitterness. And because men's egos are so fragile, they become uncommitted and distant after reviewing a woman's unrealistic laundry list of qualifications designed for Mr. Right to fit into like a mold.
God defines the man, and the man finds and complements the woman. Women must see themselves as precious treasures for men to find and appreciate. Women are gifts and presents presented by God to the searching man. As a gift, a woman is a delight, a pleasure, a bundle of kindness, and in Biblical terms, she's a Proverbs 31 woman.
If the woman unwraps the gift to whom she thinks is her Mr. Right because of following the traditional ways of a woman finding a man, then chaos and confusion result.
That positions a man and a woman in circumstances that God never intended for them to face. If a Godly man who's got his life together finds a good and Godly woman and puts all his cards (emotions, finances, truth, and heart) on the table, and the woman comes along and puts all the same on the table, then relationships can work out for the good. However, if either party withholds information that has potential damaging effects to the relationship and some fact surfaces later, it's usually the man that views it as an unfair exchange in his mind and runs for the hills with a broken heart while leaving a brokenhearted woman behind.
However immature that seems, we know men mature much later in life. So I can tell you, he will retreat and become like Captain Kirk from Star Trek and say, "Beam me up, Scotty. There are no Proverbs 31 women down here." A woman must bring something other than her bills for a man to pay off to the table of marriage. And to balance that out, men need to have their act together also and not be leaches on women who have financial status, casting aside feelings of threat and not measuring up. Women must not allow themselves to become giveaways.
Let’s Make a Deal
Stay away from the "let's make a deal" encounters. A man wants a gift and God has called him if he so desires to identify that gift in the sea to true womanhood and unwrap it in marriage. In that sea, a man looks for a woman who cares not about his possessions but about the feelings in his heart as a person. When a man pursues his destiny to find a wife, he is voluntarily making a decision to find his good thing as God outlined in Proverbs 18:22. He's like Adam.
God presented Eve to Adam, but Adam found Eve. Let Mr. Right find you, Miss Right! When he does, like Adam, he will say, "bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh." Adam wanted the favor of God. A man who finds a wife without the help of the woman obtains favor of God.
To any women looking for Mr. Right, get out of that business and let Mr. Right choose you. Get in the mind-set that you will be the woman that'll encourage your mate and make him feel invincible so he feels he can do anything. He may not be Superman, but he must know that you believe in his abilities as a super man.
Can a Good Man Trust You With All of His Heart?
It was important to me that my wife read books on the subject of manhood when we first met. She read some of the men's books I bought and she read the one I wrote to learn more about me. That showed she cared for me as a person. And I love my present and treasure for her tireless effort. When I was down-and-out financially, she stuck by me through hell and high water.
That made me feel I could recover.
When I wasn't at my best, she hung in there with me. And when I was writing my book on manhood, which took seven years and much money, she stayed with the vision. That pushed me over the top because she never wavered in her belief in me even when I thought I could not finish, False Roads To Manhood. My wife is the woman I looked for and respect dearly.
Single women, If you plan meeting Mr. Right and Mr. Right finding you, I'd suggest you take a personal interest in reading serious books about men, their feelings, their undisclosed inner emotions and what they think in times of solitude.
Know this: what you think you know and believe about men from the grapevine for female friends can hurt you.
Learn about men by reading books that's written from the male spiritual viewpoint and don't exclude good sound secular wisdom. This is the greatest insight you can gain on the classified emotions of men, because men have feelings and want intimacy too. One young man told me years ago, after dating many times, that he always dumped the women he dated because sometime during the process, he discovered they did not care for him but for what he had. He went on to say that as soon as the women he dated thought they had him wrapped, tied, and fenced in; he was gone in a sudden flash, breaking their hearts.
When he finally married, I asked him why he fell so hard for this woman. He replied, "This is the only woman who cared about me and not what I possessed. She proved her love to me and if I didn't have anything but a trash man's job, I knew she loved me for me."
A man's house is not him, his car is not him, his money is not him. But if he, as a man lost everything, would he remain your hero or would he get kicked to the curve as a zero? Women, when you chase after Mr. Right instead of him choosing you, you'll wind up with a man that builds fences around his heart and soul to lock you out.
Now, I cannot finish this discussion without first saying to men in the church that many single women, though they love God with all their heart, mind and soul, still need for us to go find the men as Jesus taught the disciples to become fishers of men. When we do, women won't have to suffer in silent pain nor hide behind religious fervor to cover up their emotional needs.
From the mind of a man, Mr. Right could be the ugly duckling you don't give the time of day. So don't hate, he may be trying to find you. Remember, God told man to look for the woman.
And don't you worry, concerned woman; God will give you the desires of your heart, and not the laundry list you've drawn up for Him.
That's why it's best to pray and follow God's plan.
One final note about those love novels women love to read: there's one book that trumps them all and informs men and women about truth on long-lasting love. The best-selling book is titled the "Song of Solomon," a book of the Bible that will spark a fire in any couple's life. Read what the real love doctor, Solomon, has to say on relationships. His book has been out for years and hardly anyone reads it. When you do, it won't be hard to spot Mr. Right because he's coming for you.
You've heard it from the mind of a man, not just any man, not a perfect man, but a Godly man who can unashamedly surrender his pain to Jesus.
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Frank Chase Jr., is the author of the page-turner , False Roads to Manhood; Breaking Free From the False T.R.A.D.I.T.I.O.N.s of Men . Frank writes with surgical precision as he guides men on an extraordinary journey through their souls, not only to help men understand themselves but informs women about today's "Adam" in Christ. He has served as a teacher, counselor, mentor and leader in men's ministries as a lay minister for twenty years. He earned a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Communications and a minor in Sociology from Washington State University. You can visit his website at: www.positivejourney.com
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