The Sex Drive - What It Is... (Part 1)
This article contains
graphic language related to love, sex, relationships and marriage.
Between the media, music and Hollywood, the talks in
the break rooms, board rooms and bedrooms, the romance novels
and pornography, sex is probably the most discussed issue
known to man... but the least understood!
In this critical three part teaching series, we will
examine the sex drive... find out what it is, why we have
it and how you can experience God's best for your sex life!
Let's Talk About Sex
Without a doubt, having sex is pure ecstasy on earth. But
for some people, their sex drive has been their Achilles heel.
It has landed them in a relationship or marriage from hell,
in the divorce court, in jail, tagged as a sexual predator,
on a gurney in an abortion clinic, or put them into the shameful
position of being a carrier of HIV/AIDS or some other sexually
For some women, their sex drive has caused them to have unwanted
children. For some men, their sex drive has forced them to
grudgingly pay child support to females they sorely despise.
Still others, because of their sex drive, have lost their
business, ministry, or political office. Some have lost everything...
home, marriage, job, career, their children and their sanity.
All over their desire to have sex!
There is no question about it, our sex drive is a powerful
force. Was it designed to get us into so much trouble? Is
our sex drive sinful? Only for making babies? Examine these
vital irrefutable facts concerning our sex drive...
- God is the creator of sex and of
our sex drives.
- Just like our natural desire to
have food and drink, our sex drive is a God-given, built-in
instinctive natural physical desire.
- God set our sex drives in motion,
not to torture us, or cause us agony or grief, and not just
to pro-create but also to bring us pleasure and sexual fulfillment!
- Our sex drive is neither dirty,
shameful, or sinful anymore than eating food or consuming
beverages is dirty, shameful, or sinful.
- Our sex drive is a good thing!
The Day of Your Sexual Awakening
Like clockwork, there will come a time in every person's life,
when they will experience their sexual awakening. That inevitable
day will appear, most likely, without any warning or advance
notice. Some may call it: going girl crazy, being aroused,
horny, in heat, in lust, boy crazy, turned-on, having the
hots for, on-fire, love jones, beside oneself, infatuated,
or lovesick. Whatever they call it, that day will come and
when it does, it will not only affect every fiber of that
person's being, it will affect every single facet of their
life - spirit, soul, flesh, financial and social.
Defining Our Sex Drive
What is our sex drive? It is the longing, desire and drive
to satisfy our God-given sexual appetite. It is our natural
need for sexual release, gratification, and fulfillment. Before
a person's sex drive awakens, they must be aware of two things:
how it works and what they are to do about it! We'll start
by examining how our sex drive works, by looking at how it
affects our flesh and soul, and we'll close with how sex affects
How Our Sex Drive Arouses Our
To describe the flesh as it relates to our sex drive, we first
must dissect and come to understand how our flesh is aroused
by our five physical senses. To arouse means to stimulate
sexual desire in. Our flesh is aroused through...
- a soft embrace, a gentle caress, the tingling sensation
that takes place when a man and woman are groping, petting,
fondling, massaging, holding hands, cuddling, snuggling,
dancing together, etc. These are just some of the ways our
flesh is aroused through touch, (See Song of Solomon 2:6)
- Tasting - the sweetness
of a kiss is a powerful aphrodisiac. For many, the kiss
is the igniter that starts the fire burning, (See Song of
Solomon 1:2). In Song of Solomon 4:11, Solomon's bride described
their deep French kiss as tasting like a honeycomb and sweet
milk. That was some kiss!
- Smelling - talk about
setting ablaze your sex drive, aromas have always been known
to inflame the sexual desire in a person. Certain perfumes
and colognes, the scent of a woman, etc., can be altogether
intoxicating. In Song of Solomon 7:8, Solomon's bride described
an intimate moment in which the aroma of her husband impassioned
- certain music, especially romantic love songs and poetry
have been used since time and memorial to get a person in
the mood for love making. Even the sound of someone's voice
can be a seductive turn on, (See Song of Solomon 2:14)
-most of us are familiar with the phrase, "we fell
in love at first sight!" Oftentimes that is all it
takes to awaken a person's sexual drive! Males especially,
are aroused sexually, primarily by what they see, imagine,
and visualize, (See Judges 14:1-2 and Genesis 34:1-4).
Flesh Ties - When Two People
Become One Flesh
Once a person's sex drive has kicked in, many people, without
understanding what has taken place, immediately move to the
next stage of progression, which is sexual intercourse. Here
is a critical point you must understand concerning your sex
drive. Read it carefully. Once you engage in sexual intercourse
with a person, you become one flesh with them. After becoming
one flesh with a person, you have established what is called
a flesh tie. Contrary to popular belief, this person does
not have to be your husband or wife. They could be a meaningless
one-night stand, what people classify as a booty call or ho-hum
casual sex partner. If you have sex with two, three or more
people, you become one flesh with each and everyone of them...
I Corinthians 6:16 AMP [Emphasis
Or do you not know and realize that when a man joins himself
to a prostitute, HE BECOMES ONE BODY WITH HER? The two,
it is written, SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH.
Did you read that verse carefully? She could be a (pay by
the hour prostitute) but once you have sexual relations with
her, condom or not, you have established a flesh tie with
a prostitute! The reality of the flesh tie becomes magnified
when a person contracts a sexually transmitted disease. The
disease in their sex partner's flesh has been transmitted
to their flesh through their flesh tie. Of course everyone
can see that female has had or has a flesh tie when she becomes
pregnant, or if the relationship takes a turn for the worse
and requires police intervention due to domestic violence.
And finally, flesh ties become apparent if one partner wants
to sever the sexual relations but the other refuses. At that
point, that flesh tie will cause one or both individuals a
tremendous amount of grief.
Your Soul Plus Sex Equals a
Did you know that having sex creates a chemical reaction?
Let me give you a brief chemistry lesson to help you grasp
this next point. In grade school, one of the first chemistry
lessons I learned was the one where we mixed baking soda and
vinegar together in a bottle, placed a balloon over the neck
of the bottle, and watched the chemical reaction as the liquid
began to bubble, then fill the balloon with the newly created
substance called carbon dioxide gas.
In layman's terms, a chemical reaction is a process in which
substances, change into other substances, (i.e., vinegar +
baking soda = carbon dioxide gas). The type of chemical reaction
is based on the type of substances that are mixed together.
The substances of your soul are your, (will, feelings, intellect,
emotions and memory). The average person does not understand
this: once you commingle the substances of your soul with
sex, you unleash a potent chemical reaction. Read how your
soul begins to change through this little known chemical reaction
- Your Intellect - your intellect
is your ability to reason, make judgment calls and think
things through. Once you engage in sex, your ability to
reason is completely altered! People will do things they
never dreamed of doing once they start having sex. For example,
there are married men who have fabulous wives, beautiful
children and prosperous careers. Yet they will risk everything,
marriage, children and career, for a few moments of sexual
pleasure with a stranger or prostitute. Does their roll
of the dice make any sense? Absolutely not! But that is
just one of the many ways a person's sex drive can affect
their ability to reason.
- Your Memory - the memory
of each sexual encounter becomes forever etched into your
mind. And not just the sex itself but each kiss, touch and
the chain of events that led up to the sexual encounter,
such as: slow dancing, candlelight dinners, frolicking around,
the chase, and the erotic conversations. To men, the visual
effect of the sex act is like hermetically sealed photograph,
especially if the woman wears some type of sexy lingerie,
dances for him or does some type of titillating strip tease.
The problems with these pleasurable memories are manifold.
Here are a few examples... a wife measures the size of her
husband's penis against one or more of her previous sex
partners. Or a husband compares the frequency of sex he
has with his wife against the amount of sex he received
from his casual sex girlfriends and numerous booty calls.
You can easily see how certain memories of previous sex
acts can be destructive.
- Your Emotions
- the range of emotions created by sex can be endless. Anything
from passion, anger, love, hatred and infatuation, to rage,
fondness, bitterness, longing for a person you cannot have,
possessiveness, and the list continues. Many people experience
what I call the "after-sex infatuation." They
become deeply attached to someone after having sex, when
in fact, aside from receiving sex, the other person does
not care about them. Many women experience immediate emotional
attachment. The experience of opening up to and giving their
body to a man, gives them a false sense of True Love.
Other emotions emerge when a person discovers they have
tested positively for a sexually transmitted disease or
when a woman finds out that she is pregnant. Suddenly, what
she thought was a stable relationship turns into a permanent
disappearing act by her lover. Sex changes a person's emotions
in more ways than I could ever articulate in this short
- Your Feelings - sex creates
physical sensations no other activity on this earth could
ever duplicate. There are the euphoric feelings of sexual
intercourse and the ecstasy of an orgasm, which are usually
preceded by the pre-sex sensations of foreplay, (i.e., giddiness,
heightened arousal, lightheadedness, sweaty palms, etc.)
and finally, there is the afterglow! That indescribable,
complicated, intense reaction experienced after sex, especially
by women. The final substance of your soul is your will...
- Your Will -
this is the place where you decide to exercise self-discipline
and self-control or a display a lack of discipline and no
self-control. This is the place where a woman makes the
decision to be virtuous and chaste or to become promiscuous
and turn her body into a revolving door for sexually undisciplined
males. It is here that a man decides to become a user and
abuser of women or a protector and preserver of women. Once
a person mixes the substance of sex with the substances
of their soul, not only do they ignite this powerful chemical
reaction but they also develop a craving for sex.
The Sexual Craving
I remember the first time I had Haagen Dazs ice cream. Whew!
Prior to tasting it, ice cream was something I could do without,
but once I had Haagen Dazs, that all changed. I developed
an intense craving for their Pralines & Cream, Macadamia
Brittle, and Butter Pecan. At one point, on any day of the
week you could find four pints of Haagen Dazs ice cream in
my freezer. My craving was so intense that I was eating a
pint of Haagen Dazs every day and on the weekends, two pints
a day! Sex is the same way, once you cross the line from being
a virgin to having sex, something else happens, you develop
a craving for sex and that craving is going to seek satisfaction.
That is the way God designed us. I have watched people get
super-duper spiritual and claim they were going to pray away
their craving. Friend, listen to me carefully, you can pray
until the sun stands still but after you come out of your
prayer closet, you are going to have to deal with your craving
for sex. To crave means to have an eager or an intense desire
for, to long for, and to yearn for. Of course that craving
will vary with each individual. It will be more pronounced
in some and less pronounced in others but one thing no man
or woman can do is make their sexual craving go away!
In times past, man has tried some of the most absurd techniques
you could imagine in an attempt to thwart or suppress their
sexual cravings. Things such as wearing a male or female chastity
belt. Becoming a nun or a monk. Torturing themselves by making
rash vows of celibacy for the rest of their lives and chemical
castration. Certain religious people have resorted to twisting
the scriptures in an attempt to convince mankind that our
sex drive and sexual cravings are shameful, dirty, and sinful
in the eyes of God.
Not only were they dead wrong in their misguided religious
zeal, they caused multitudes of people to live under the unbearable
burden of a condemned conscience. Some denominations and religious
organizations to this very day demand that their female converts
cover their face and bodies from head to toe. They reason
that as long as a woman is completely covered, she cannot
tempt or sexually arouse a man. But one thing they fail to
cover up or put a veil over is a man's vivid imagination.
It is a known fact that it does not take much to get a man
And once a man experiences his sexual awakening, it is going
to take a lot more than a veil or multiple layers of clothing
to prevent him from getting sexually aroused. To say that
a veil can make a man stop thinking about sex or wane his
preoccupation with a woman's breasts, shapely buttocks, eye-catching
facial beauty, salacious curves, and other feminine qualities
is pretty absurd. That is like saying green peas can somehow
make a 7-year-old child, who has been eating candy since he
was 2-years-old, stop craving Reese's Peanut Buttercups, Skittles,
M&M's, Twinkies, Ding Dongs, and Hawaiian Punch.
Clearly, it was God who created us this way. We, (humans)
had nothing to do with God putting within us the desire to
have sex. He was the One who gave us our sex drives. It was
He who put in us our internal biological desire to crave sex.
He is the one who put in us the capacity to become aroused,
experience orgasms, and other pleasurable sensations. He was
the One who made areas of our bodies sensitive to the touch.
And He did not give us these pleasurable sensations to torture
us or to bury us with a guilt-ridden conscience. He gave them
to us for our enjoyment!
So the questions arise... how do we handle our sexual cravings
and at the same time insure that we receive sexual fulfillment?
If you don't know the answer to those questions, you are headed
straight into the sexual danger zone. What is the sexual danger
zone? You'll learn about this ominous zone in Part 2. You
don't want to miss this!
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